"Inspire- that's what we'll do"

Saturday, 9 June 2012

Stand as One- Anonymous Story

We have recently showcased our new video, Stand as One, which is now on YouTube. Before we inform you about how the day went, here is an anonymous story which one participant shared with us...


I’ve always been a bit ‘weird’, I’ll be the first to admit it, and it’s definitely no secret. When I was younger I didn’t even realise it, truth be known. People would whisper, call me names, deliberately exclude me and I just happily went along with my life, not batting an eyelid. It was a lot easier not knowing, and I only realised that I was bullied through Primary school when my mother mentioned it in an off-hand manner a few years ago.
No, as far as I was concerned, the bullying began when I reached Comprehensive school. That’s the general trend, isn’t it? All that change, someone needs to play the victim. And so, as it happened, one of those victims was me. Bit of a know-it-all, more than a bit chubby, and with my best friend barely in school, I was something of an easy target.

It starts off as it normally does, just the odd comment from some pig-headed boy, a cruel laugh from an eleven year old bitch-in-the-making. Nothing that I wasn’t used to, and nothing that I really noticed. It only really became a problem when it started coming from one of the few friends I’d managed to make.

She wasn’t downright attacking me, neither verbally or physically. It would simply be a small, degrading comment that would lodge itself into my brain and stay there, niggling at me for weeks. A condescending tone that let me know that she was in charge, that she knew how to press my buttons. She’d treat me like her lapdog, and I’d come running when she called. What I called a friendship, she called a following, and I was expected to sit there and take it as she constantly put me down in front of anyone who cared.

As my self-esteem plummeted, so did others’ opinions of me. The bullying became more widespread, or at least I became more aware of it. I was rejected from social group after social group, being shifted from one clique to another. And then, finally, came acceptance. It was from one girl who I’d secretly looked up to, despite her blasé disregard for my feelings the previous year. She decided to take me under her wing, and I worshipped the ground she walked on. And I wish I was being overdramatic.

At some point, things changed. I didn’t see it happen, I still to this day don’t know why. All I know is, one day I was right in her pocket, and the next I was the dog’s dinner. I stood hurt and confused as my ‘best friend’ spread rumours about me, told my friends that I’d spoken ill of them, did everything in her power to alienate me. I was left alone; left to ponder what it was that I had done. Whenever we saw each other, all pretence of friendship would be gone and replaced with acidic comments on my appearance and weight. Alone once more, I was driven back to the arms of that one girl, the one who wanted a posse not a friend.

I lose track of what happened thereon in, as I completely broke down. My self-esteem was at an all-time low, and my so-called friend did little to help. After nothing short of encouragement, I began eating less and less food, eventually cutting it out altogether. I lost my puppy fat, but nobody could tell me quick enough that it wasn’t enough. I recall a particularly ‘helpful’ girl telling me that the best way to lose weight was to purge, and purge I did. Every day, I would stick my fingers down my throat and vomit any food I’d eaten. Behind my back people mocked me, but to my face I was encouraged. I was constantly given the impression that it wasn’t good enough, and I strived for the approval that never came.

My ‘friend’ and I were in the unhealthiest relationship imaginable. Between every moment that we were as thick as thieves, we were at each other’s throats. As we grew further apart, I saw her take every opportunity to make my life a hell on earth. She’d go out of her way to upset me, whether it was telling the school gossip my deepest secret, embarrassing me in front of my classmates or simply insulting me until I was close to nothing. It sounds ridiculous, I know, but she really would do anything to make me miserable. It was the kind of bullying which you can’t pinpoint, which you can’t explain and others can’t see. She knew how I worked so well, better than I did myself. She sabotaged my friendships, demolished my confidence and muscled in on my life just so she could push me out of it. I barely knew myself, but she knew there was more to come.

In one of the rare moments of friendship, she told me how people stop feeling hurt. She told me that there’s one way to get rid of this feeling, and it was very simple. She even stole the craft knife for me herself, telling me to cut it all out. And I did. She exploited me, showcasing my weakness as I self harmed more and more. It became an addiction fed by her hatred, a secret addiction which she blew up to public proportions. She encouraged me to confide in her, then openly mocked me when my back was turned. And with every move she made, every cut got deeper. I cycled into depression, therapy, a world of self-hatred which I’m still in now. But still, I was blinded enough to call her my friend.

This continued for 5 years. The bullying from one girl spread across the entire school body, and I was a social outcast. Getting up in the morning was a struggle, going to school was almost impossible. I grew thinner, addicted to purging and the blade. It resulted in vast amounts of suicidal thoughts, and a number of attempts. Those who were my true friends couldn’t handle it, which is to be expected. I was alone, depressed and a serious danger to myself, all because of this one girl. It was only my parents’ fear and my hatred of therapy which brought me back to earth.

Even now, at 18 years of age, we cannot get along. I’ve tried, I can assure you, but she will go out of her way to make sure nobody forgets who I was two years ago. She expects our mutual friends to ignore and exclude me as she tells them of all my flaws on a regular basis. I expected some form of truce as we entered adult life, but she will not rest unless I am unhappy. And sadly, despite all the reasons she’s given me to hate her, I would much rather befriend her than continue like this. Even as I’m about to embark on an entirely new chapter of my life, she knows she still has that hold on me. It’s terrifying, and I fear what one girl can reduce someone to.

 Here is the video, Stand as One.


Wednesday, 16 May 2012

Introducing Inspire


"Say what needs to be said, because someone needs to hear it." Inspire is a little project that is merely an idea right now but is hoping to expand as it inspires people through creating videos and letting people have a voice, no matter who they are.

The idea of my project, Inspire, came to mind after creating a video, Love Me for Who I Am, which had over a thousand views on YouTube and is a featured video on charity organization, Geturgoodon’s website.

Inspire has recently applied for funding with the O2’s Think Big funding scheme so we can have the ability to create more advanced videos to help people more.

“Inspire is one of the most amazing ideas I’ve come across in my entire life and the fact that Jazmin is doing it at such a young age makes the project that little bit more inspirational. I think it’s a marvellous idea with what she is doing and I think it will go very far, too. Personally, I think this project is going to help thousands- whether they are young or old and it has most certainly bee a great deal of help to me! I couldn’t thank Jazmin enough for actually getting up and doing something to inspire those who are in need. Jazmin is a huge inspiration to us all!” –Demi Powell, participant.

“Jazmin has come up with an excellent idea with “Inspire”. By encouraging people to be creative, to have a voice and break boundaries, she’s hoping to help other people to use their imaginations, to realise that there are no limitations and to speak up and not to be afraid of being themselves. This is a truly inspirational project.” –Catrin Southall, CLIC staff/ Singer-songwriter

“Inspire is a really worthwhile cause that allows people to realise how wonderful they truly are and encourages them to pursue their ultimate happiness”- Samuel Patterson, participant

The aims of this blog is to write updates and post things related to the project. If you're interested in taking part, check out our Facebook, Tweet us on Twitter or email us at project.inspire@yahoo.com 

Keep Smiling, Keep Dreaming, Keep Believing!

Inspire x